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Where to find a unicorn woman into threesome

2020.09.23 20:13 seoexpert129 Where to find a unicorn woman into threesome

Finding a unicorn woman is so easy nowadays because of the internet. Unlike before, whereby you were required to look for them manually. Unicorns are all over. It’s up to you to make an effort to look for one through the various dating sites. There are various unicorn dating sites, but it is good if you find them through the dating sites specifically meant for them. Using these dating sites helps you find them much easier without struggling a lot because that is there site, and they are there all the time. They are also in need of someone that is why they won’t fail to be on those dating sites. When finding a third person for a threesome, take your time so as to find a great person; not everyone on this dating site has good intentions as you. Below are some of the well-discussed dating sites that will lead you to find your match. The sites are wonderful and are specifically meant for unicorns. 3some Dating Online Is a dating site specifically meant for bi couples who are in search of women seeking couples and unicorn women? It has over 1.4 million people, and finding a unicorn here is very much easier. Bi Cupid It is one of the largest dating sites with bi-curious and bisexual couples. Bi Cupid is ranked as the best unicorn dating sites so far for unicorns. Unicorns are available in these sites, and they are very many; unicorn hunters should not worry because this site is meant for them. Adult Friend Finder This is one of the dating site with the largest number of members, a lot of couples in need of a unicorn use this site as it has a lot of unicorns. It is almost similar to bi Cupid, the only difference being adult friend finder has a lot of features like model shows and live webcams.
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2020.07.22 01:45 PushingForwardDaily It all started with grooming

I don't really know where to start. I've only begun talking about this to a friend yesterday. I'm now recognizing that I may have been taken advantage of by a sexual predator. It's weighing heavy on my mind.
I met a man online right after I turned 17. I won't even call him my ex, he doesn't deserve that title. He was a few years older than me. Everything started online, then we met in person. At first, we dated for a couple months and the relationship went fine, he was everything I thought I needed. Then month 3 I found out I was pregnant. A couple months into the pregnancy he was having me swing with him. He would have a friend over and get a friend of mine drunk and well I won't go into details. One of my friends was 15 at the time, and I feel horrible that I even let this happen. I had no clue how wrong this was at the time. I was going to high school and working part time after school while all this was happening. He lived with my mom and I for awhile during the pregnancy, not working or paying any bills. She had no clue he was doing these things, she was dealing with her own engagement mess.
We lived 1 mile from school, and even though he had a car and no job, he made me walk to and from school. One day I walked home from school to find him watching porn on my bed. I was still 17 at the time and didn't understand what he was doing. He forced me close the door and leave so he can finish. He did a lot of questionable things. Besides things like that, he was always going out drinking with friends or going to concerts, while I was stuck at home, work or school.
I delivered my son a month before my 18th birthday. After he was born, that's when things started going down hill. He convinced me to have sex on webcams, use an adult finder website and try to meet people from online. If I didn't do something his way, we would fight. My cell phone was in his name, and when we would fight, he would shut it off.
When it came to parenting, I did everything for my son. If my son cried, I would try everything to make him stop, feed, bath, bottle, rock, EVERYTHING. He just cried. This man would scream at me and tell me how horrible of a mother I am, while doing nothing to help. One day I mentally couldn't handle it anymore, set my crying son in his crib and ran to the basement for relief. This man ran downstairs threatening to call the police on me for neglecting my son and again did nothing to help. He made me feel like a horrible person all the time.
My son is now 14 years old. For the last 6 months he has been in contact with his son.
Fast forward to yesterday, he posted on Facebook that Polyamory is safe for everyone, including kids. I explained to him how that's inappropriate (especially after what he did to me and my friends) and one of the reasons why his son won't have a Facebook. He said there's nothing wrong with polyamory and if his son did have a Facebook, he would create a second account that is kid safe. He doesn't understand that needing 2 Facebook accounts is enough to show how inappropriate his posts on Facebook are. He said I was attacking him, that he did nothing wrong.
Last night was the first night in a long time that I couldn't sleep. I woke up and told him this morning that I was so bitter towards him because I was the victim of a sexual predator and he was my predator. He replied with "WTF, now you're accusing me with this crazy shit. Good bye, I'm done with you." He blocked me after that.
He fits every description of a sexual predator out there. He has also used polyamory as an excuse to groom and abuse women.
I feel like I finally stood up for myself after all these years. But I still feel terrible about the whole thing. He's called me delusional, nut's and crazy in the last 2 conversations I had with him. Is it that easy to forget one's actions?
I'm really at a loss of what to do. I feel like I'm stuck because all these feelings after all these years have come back. It's not something I cared to think about ever. I feel like I should do something, or talk to someone, but I don't know where to start.
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2020.04.30 23:15 TheSimmernator I need to open up and get my story off my chest.

I (25F HL) have been with my boyfriend (34M LL) for almost 10 years. We met in college and fell in love at first sight. I've heard you feel sparks when you meet your soul mate. When we kissed for the first time we both felt it. I was his first everything, but I had already pretty much-done everything. I lost my virginity during a quick hook up with an ex-boyfriend while we had been technically dating for a month. I wasn't serious about anything and wanted to try everything once. My boyfriend was upset, I didn't care because I was in my own world. My lifes biggest regret was not taking him seriously from the beginning. He forgave me and has always refused to break up.
After I took my bf's virginity we had sex multiple times a day. Anything I wanted to try, he was up for it. I've always been open about my kinks, and he has always listened. However, even now I couldn't tell you a single thing that turns him on. He has always been very private. I'm the only person he's ever gotten close to, even then, he still keeps his distance. He doesn't like me touching him or asking him too personal questions.
It started going downhill when I got pregnant. I was 17, not ready to have a baby, but he convinced me to do the right thing and raise the baby together. A few months into the pregnancy, he was fingering me quite roughly and he caused me to bleed. We were terrified the baby was hurt, but it turned out to be nothing. That was the last time we did anything sexual until a year after the baby was born.
We decided it was time to do something so we had the most plane, vanilla, boring sex you can think of. It was scary, but over time it became less so. He opened up to me once saying how he was terrified to have sex in case I became pregnant again. He struggles with condoms because of his girth. They would cut off his blood making it impossible for him to stay hard. He would usually start with his penis, give up, then finish me off with his hands. This happened once a month at most.
One day I came to him upset about it. I expressed how I was scared to spend the rest of my life without being able to do the things I wanted to do. I was adventurous, I wanted to try BDSM/S&M, roleplaying and threesomes. He never showed any interest in anything other than fingering me once a month to keep me happy. I struggle with masturbation, I've never been able to find it pleasurable so I relied on him for all my needs. He seemed happy that I opened up to him and said he wanted to try all of that stuff too.
So we signed up to Adult Friend Finder in hopes to find someone to have a threesome with. Everything was on the table, the only rules were... Nobody we know in real life, and don't do anything behind each other's back. Our sex life changed dramatically overnight. It was like how we were in the beginning, fresh and exciting... and SEX EVERY DAY! He seemed to like how I suddenly became confident and less passive/submissive like how I normally am. I felt a breath of life and was on top of the world.
We started webcamming, we had sex in front of this random guy we knew nothing about, and I pretended to masturbate for views to help find someone. I was very self-conscious after having the baby, my body had changed so I felt ugly. But thousands of people were sending me messages telling me how they thought I was the hottest person on there! It boosted my ego sky high.
We met this one guy. He was my ultimate fantasy. He was a dominant, real-life teacher who turned me on in every way. We met up twice in person, the first time nothing happened, the second he made out and fingered me in front of my boyfriend in person. My boyfriend said he thought it was hot, but he didn't trust the guy and didn't want to talk to him again.
Weeks go by after the last meeting. We were hardly having sex again and we hadn't touched Adult Friend Finder since. I got impatient so I started messaging the other guy behind my boyfriend's back. He convinced me to run away with him, the only thing I could think of was how badly I wanted to have good sex again and how badly I wanted to be dominated.
I snapped the night before I was going to run away and told my boyfriend my plans. He was pissed. I've honestly never seen him so angry in all my life. But we talked it out. I agreed to stay, he convinced me that he would try and we would make it work.
Now years have gone by. Sex is once a month at best. I just lie there and let him bring me to orgasm. I've begged to do something else. I'm honestly sick of sex now. I would kill to give him a blowjob but he insists he doesn't like them. I've even researched how to give the worlds best blow job and I'm confident I am not bad at giving head... but he's not interested. I keep telling him how frustrated I am and how I want to leave him but he keeps promising that he can give me everything I want. He has expressed that he finds it too stressful to perform. I don't want to be something that gives him stress. I would give anything for him to just act as if he wants me. I'd even give up sex, just to feel intimate.
Things did get better for a little while a few months back. We decided to give up condoms because we have considered having another child. We're not quite ready yet, but if it happened we would be happy. We started having sex every night, and he was actually cumming again. For the first time in years, he actually came in front of me! I felt like a queen. I loved it. I really thought we were making strides. Like all the waiting had paid off and he was finally going to give me what he promised... Then at some point, I'm honestly not sure what happened, things went back to normal. In fact, it's even worse than before.
We haven't had sex this year yet. He won't kiss me. Cuddling is ok in bed, but only for a few minutes and I have to keep my hands still. I remember we almost had sex a few months ago but he told me off for tempting him because he was tired. When things were getting better last year I remember him telling me off because we were having sex every night. Like sex is just inconvenient to him.
Everyone I've opened up to has said the exact same thing. "If you are unhappy then why don't you just leave?"
I can't. I love him as if he is my soulmate. I am not with him for the sex, I am just desperate for it. I want to raise our son together. He is my best friend and life is great. I like to pretend that I can't have sex. Like, I'm disabled somehow... and he is an amazing guy for wanting to stay with me even though we can't be intimate.
No matter how many times I open up to him, he is always open-minded and forgiving. No matter how many times I have betrayed his trust, he is always there for me. He has told me that he has it in him, he is just scared. He won't let me give him a blow job because he thinks I'm too good to do something disgusting like that. He treats me like an angel, but I just want him to treat me like a naughty little girl. I've tried everything and my spirit has given up. I feel so frustrated. What I wouldn't give to have a propper, real hard orgasm and to give him one too! But he calls me dirty for asking.
I don't know what to do. 10 years this year. I feel too young to have a dead bedroom. My future looks bleak. Talking about it has helped me so much, and even though I feel like crying, it's better than feeling frustrated. Thank you for taking the time to read my essay, just knowing that someone read this puts me at ease.
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2019.12.08 21:00 ThrowawayRA618 Is it worth trying again after my boyfriend cheated on me?

I’m 20 and my boyfriend is 21 and we’ve been together for 1 year and 7 months. Our relationship has been so solid lately like I can’t even put into words how comfortable I’ve gotten around him and we communicated so well with each other and we were hanging out all the time I could go on forever but everything was just perfect. I went to Michigan with him last week to go help his mom move and we drove 10 hours up there and had such a fun time with him. While he went out to shovel snow he left his phone on the bed and me being curious decided to go though it. I found text messages from June/July 2018 (we start dating April 2018) he was using a website called adult friend finder and was trying to hookup with some women in our city. He was asking them what kind of stuff they are into, when they have free time and told one girl if she doesn’t feel comfortable they can meet up and grab coffee and basically just telling them how horny he was. Then onto his snapchat, he sent a girl a message also that year in June a bunch of heart eyed emojis to a selfie she posted and then in October that year he was telling her how different she looks. Didn’t find anything after that and then 6 months ago he sent this girl, guessing she’s a webcam model, some messages that went like “you look so fine, thanks for sharing” “you look too fun, ugh” “Im bored too but looking at your pics help” and then after that nothing else I found. When he came back I told him and I couldn’t stop crying. I asked him why and he said he wishes he knew why and that he was being a pervert and should’ve just keep it to himself. He said he didn’t sleep with any of those girls and if he did he said he wouldn’t be able to live with himself and would’ve told me. I told him I don’t think I could do this anymore and he said no that he won’t do it again, that he agrees that our relationship has been so solid lately and we don’t have to stop making memories together. We cried, talked and cuddled the whole night and I told him I was gonna leave him and he just kept throwing up and saying we can work through this but he understands and doesn’t deserve my love or trust. He just moved all his stuff in and a part of me wants to make things work out so fucking bad. I told him if he wants to leave me, now is his chance for we don’t have to go through this process and all these long talks but he said he wants to go through this with me and that he fucked up really bad. He’s my best friend and we’ve been so good lately like it’s been amazing I can literally tell him everything. He said he is willing to work out things with me and knows it’s gonna take time and said he’s gonna do whatever he can to change and whatever I need him to do just tell him and he’s on it. I’m just so lost here. I love him, he’s my everything but I don’t know. It’s all fresh still so maybe this is why I think i can’t do it and I want to give it time to see if I can move on but what if it happens again? He says he won’t and he says I know you don’t believe me but it won’t happen again. He’s willing to see a therapist and agrees he needs to change big time, get help and mature but I don’t know if I can do this, I want to more then anything tho. Here’s some text messages he’s sent me and I think he means it and I know it’s my relationship and I have to decide but any advice is highly appreciated.
submitted by ThrowawayRA618 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2019.12.08 20:50 ThrowawayRA618 Is it worth trying again?

I’m 20 and my boyfriend is 21 and we’ve been together for 1 year and 7 months. Our relationship has been so solid lately like I can’t even put into words how comfortable I’ve gotten around him and we communicated so well with each other and we were hanging out all the time everything was just perfect. I went to Michigan with him last week to go help his mom move and we drove 10 hours up there and had such a fun time with him. While he went out to shovel snow he left his phone on the bed and me being curious decided to go though it. I found text messages from June/July 2018 (we start dating April 2018) he was using a website called adult friend finder and was trying to hookup with some women in our city. He was asking them what kind of stuff they are into, when they have free time and told one girl if she doesn’t feel comfortable they can meet up and grab coffee and basically just telling them how horny he was. Then onto his snapchat, he sent a girl a message also that year in June a bunch of heart eyed emojis to a selfie she posted and then in October that year he was telling her how different she looks. Didn’t find anything after that and then 6 months ago he sent this girl, guessing she’s a webcam model, some messages that went like “you look so fine, thanks for sharing” “you look too fun, ugh” “Im bored too but looking at your pics help” and then after that nothing else I found. When he came back I told him and I couldn’t stop crying. I asked him why and he said he wishes he knew why and that he was being a pervert and should’ve just keep it to himself. He said he didn’t sleep with any of those girls and if he did he said he wouldn’t be able to live with himself and would’ve told me. I told him I don’t think I could do this anymore and he said no that he won’t do it again, that he agrees that our relationship has been so solid lately and we don’t have to stop making memories together. We cried, talked and cuddled the whole night and I told him I was gonna leave him and he just kept throwing up and saying we can work through this but he understands and doesn’t deserve my love or trust. He just moved all his stuff in and a part of me wants to make things work out so fucking bad. He’s my best friend and we’ve been so good lately like it’s been amazing I can literally tell him everything. He said he is willing to work out things with me and knows it’s gonna take time and said he’s gonna do whatever he can to change and whatever I need him to do just tell him and he’s on it. I’m just so lost here. I love him, he’s my everything but I don’t know. It’s all fresh still so maybe this is why I think i can’t do it and I want to give it time to see if I can move on but what if it happens again? He says he won’t and he says I know you don’t believe me but it won’t happen again. He’s willing to see a therapist but I don’t know if I can do this, I want to more then anything tho. Here’s some text messages he’s sent me and I think he means it but any advice is highly appreciated.
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2018.11.12 16:28 kellsndudz My 2 Year Abilify Nightmare

I just wanted to ask a psychiatrist some questions, but I have Medicaid and the only psychiatrist who takes my insurance was a good 40 minutes away. But that’s a whole different story.
I wanted to ask a psychiatrist about adding supplements to my diet to help with my depression. I had a whole list, including SAM-e, St. John’s Wort, and HTP-5.
Instead, the psychiatrist talked to me for ten minutes and then put me on Abilify, 2 mgs.
I thought I’d try it. After all, my Zoloft had worked so well for me in the past. Maybe Abilify would help get me out of my depression slump. And it did. I started writing again. I was more energetic. I felt better.
But then things started to get really weird. It started out with me dating, which is not something I ever have had any desire to do. But it soon warped into me getting an account on Adult Friend Finder and hooking up with strangers.
That’s not like me. I’m a demisexual (a person who does not experience sexual attraction unless they form a strong emotional connection with someone) and an introvert. Before the Abilify, I had had sex with one person, my first boyfriend, at age 22. Before the Abilify, I was voluntarily celibate. After the Abilify, I had sex with 15–20 men (I’m not sure — I don’t remember), most of it unprotected.
I thought this was the new me. I thought this was who I was. So I started webcamming. Soon I was making money. I got an account on a well-known site, set up a Snapchat, and read countless articles on how to be a successful webcam model.
I think my mind started to split into two people. One was Emma Hunny, the alter ego I created to start webcamming. She would do anything for sex. She scored a 16 out of 20 on a sexual addiction test. I’m not sure how many photos and videos are on the Internet and on strangers’ phones of Emma Hunny’s naked body.
The other person was the real me, screaming to get out. And scream I did. I went through hell. I have several notebooks chronicling my decent into madness. The one question I kept asking, usually in all caps, was WHO AM I?
I soon lost my grip on reality. I would sometimes think my parents were strangers. I would be doing something and suddenly not know where I was. I was going insane.
I started smoking pot, even though I hadn’t smoked in over 7 years. I think marijuana helped bridge the gap between me and Emma because pot is an aphrodisiac for me.
I now know what it was. It was the Abilify.
Abilify has the incredibly strange side effects of hypersexuality and compulsive gambling. In fact, there are several class action suits against Abilify going on now by people who have gone through similar nightmares like mine.
I’m not sure what’s next. I’m pissed, but I’m also just so, so tired.
I’m weaning myself off the Abilify right now. I want it out of my system immediately but I have to take it slow. The withdrawal symptoms include flu-like symptoms, mood changes, suicidal thoughts, and a whole host of other things that I’m worried about.
I think I need to wait and let my mind heal before I really move on. Telling my story is the first step.

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2018.05.19 22:45 JuanButNoDon Day 0 (New Commitment)

After relapsing and ruining a 120-day streak over a week ago, I've been in a really bad place. Besides the usual return to PMO habits, I've discovered the allure of webcam sites where, for the right price, the PMO experience is more interactive with a performer.
Now my backsliding has already proceeded too far, and I fear that I'm not far from where I started before my good run over the winter. I don't think I've been to the gym once since I've relapsed. I've been lethargic, unmotivated, bored, confused, and really down on myself.
So today I'm committing to a full 90 days of no porn or masturbation. And no orgasms with anybody except for my wife.
Further, since during my last streak my addiction began to accommodate itself to some new 'interests', I'll have some additional rules, violation of which will constitute a complete reset, with the counter returning back to 0:
I've learned a couple of things during my first reboot that can help me succeed in this one. The first is to work out three times a week. Working out is a great way to expend the energy that would go into PMO, but I run the risk of over-doing it. Too much weight-lifting starts driving up my testosterone levels like crazy. 3x is fine. The second is not to stay up later than I know I shouldn't. Being tired and staying up late puts me at a considerably higher risk of dangerous urges, both at night and the day after because I'm tired and sluggish. The third is to not look at women twice. My biggest temptation is the sexual appeal of women whom I pass in the street and in public places. It's not a problem to notice when an attractive woman is around, but it is a problem to focus on her. The fourth thing is to be moderate with alcohol. I really like drinking and socializing, and using it as a way to provide pleasure is healthy and normal. But having 2-3 dry nights a week is necessary for me to preserve my own vitality and motivation. The problem is mostly, I think, that alcohol makes my sleep worse than any issues with specifically with alcohol abuse.
I'll keep a spreadsheet for each day to plot out the strength of the urges. I didn't do this last time, but people on No Fap Reddit (Thanks guys!) suggested this great idea. This is especially important to get a sense of how long my chasers are going to be.
Finally, I'll limit sexual activities with my wife to no more than once a week, and once every two weeks ideally. Last time, once I started having sex with my wife again, it started getting to the point of my requesting her every 2-3 days and the constant chaser effects really made the reboot much harder.
Thanks for reading! See you all at 90.
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2016.04.20 14:41 Swingerta11111111111 I Was a Swinger and Involved in Extreme Relationships

[No Regrets] maybe but, HONESTY please.
I'm a 40 year old man who has had a wide variety of sexual encounters with countless strangers from the Internet since the late 1990's.
Some of these encounters were fairly extreme:
I would find women on Craigslist, including when traveling on business trips, to have sexual encounters with. Many of these encounters were focused on some sort of fetish such as bondage, women looking to be dominated, various kinks such as meeting specifically for oral, etc. I have a few encounters with women in my car with the window rolled down so that their spouses could watch me fuck them.
I was involved with one woman who had asked me to impregnate her half way through our second sexual encounter. I, of course, didn't but we joked about it through several more encounters until I realized she was serious.
I had one encounter with a woman I picked up at a local event who, when things were winding down, admitted she was an escort but was leaving the business. No, I didn't give her money but, she did ask if we could see each other again socially. We didn't. I had a similar encounter with a woman in Florida who had been doing cam shows and wanted to get into amateur porn.
One woman I nearly had an encounter with was on the warpath with her SO trying to have sex with as many men as she could in a single day. I wasn't aware of this until we met up and she informed me that four men had cum in her already that day so she was going to be messy. I backed out of that one. I remember being impressed though because it was early in the day, perhaps before 9am.
The things that surprised me the most were the number of women who had hookeJohn fantasies, the number of men who got off by their women having extra-marital sex, the number of women who were desperate to receive 'good' oral, and the number of women who wanted to experience submission.
There had been a number of women who were looking for someone to fulfill a "rape fantasy" to varying degrees but I would never get involved with that. Most wanted me to go over and discuss, set it up as in regular role playing, but there were quite a few women I chatted with who wanted a more extreme experience. I would urge these women to rethink things and experiment with submission instead. The 'rape fantasy' people honestly scared me.
I've likely slept with hundreds of women. I don't think anyone at all is aware of this as I always kept my escapades to myself for the most part. Some guys I know are at least somewhat aware of some of these escapades having seen me with different women in public, or met different women coming and going from my apartment. They asked me how I do it, and really it's as easy as this: - be completely open and honest about what you're looking for - be single and able to host - take really good care of your body and hit the gym regularly - figure out what your boundaries are and stick to them - learn all you can about bondage including how to tie someone up safely, learn about and respect safe words - set up profiles on all the major sites especially the Alt / swinger sites and be honest about what you're hoping to be involved in and keep an eye on the ever changing landscape of dating apps and sites - build trust with your regulars. As with anything else, you're going to meet other swingers through mutual friends - avoid sausage-fests. If you're going to an event organized by a local swinger group and the people who have rsvp'ed are almost entirely single men, don't bother. You're not going to meet women or couples there.
I ended all of these escapades two years ago when I met a woman who I was interested in dating. I met her in a grocery store, we chatted, met for coffee a day or two later. When I decided to pursue her immediately after that, I first terminated my ongoing relationships, deleted all of my online profiles, etc. She and I are now engaged, are getting married in a month, and just bought a house a few months ago.
She knows I was an active dater but, she doesn't know details. She said she didn't want to know any details. I've never cheated on her or anyone else who I engaged in a committed relationship, never had an STD, and never had a pregnancy scare.
submitted by Swingerta11111111111 to confession [link] [comments]


2015.06.18 02:12 nofapnotrap Help! I have become porn.

I am an addict and i need help.
This is a throwaway account for obvious reasons. Here is my story. I'll appreciate any advice i can get. (This might get long, but bear with me. tl;dr at the end)
I am 29 years old. Starting pmo-ing early enough, around 11-12 i think.
I feel all the symptoms alluded to in this sub... depression, shutting people out, not doing anything productive, spiraling down, etc... and I really want to feel the superpowers everyone talks about after successfully going through hard mode on nofap, and actually start doing something with my life and living up to my potential instead of squandering my life.
But there is an extra dimension to my addiction.
Like many of you who have spent years watching porn can probably relate, my tastes in porn kept getting more extreme. But there are two different paths that have led to where i am today.
One is getting into chatrooms for a more real feeling fap session, by having cyber sex with strangers.
And two is watching sissy captions and hypno videos and femdom porn.
I tried wearing my first pair of panties when i was quite young. I was curious, and tried on an aunt's underwear that i found in her bathroom. Fapped and loved it. I then stole some hose and panties from a friend's sister when sleeping over at his house. Absolutely loved the feeling.
In highschool i was quite popular with the girls, but i had a serious girlfriend, who never put out, so the fapping continued. When i entered college, it was hard to make friends, but although i wasn't a total shut in, and did make some friends and went out fairly often, and even had 1-2 one night stands, i still fapped everyday and didn't really make an effort to make good friends or meet girls for a relationship. I was essentially scraping the bottom of the barrel for whatever i could get with 0 effort.
Moreover, i got a webcam, and started having longer cyber sex sessions. Staying up late at night, missing classes and generally spiraling down. I was mostly looking for the unicorn women that were in these chatrooms, and somehow decided that i could probably get more attention from women by wearing panties to set myself apart from the million other cocks fapping on camera. Even though i knew half the "women" i was talking to were probably men pretending to be women, it still got me off. I kept telling myself that there are probably bisexual women out there who dig men in panties.
Some people i spoke to often suggested that i should wear more womens clothes. And so a couple of times i went to the laundry room in my dorm late at night, and stole a few articles of clothing (yes, fapping made me a thief. But i was too scared to buy womens clothes, and the taboo thrill of it drove me nuts.)
After i graduated, it only got worse. I moved to a new city where i didn't really know too many people. And while i did make some friends and went out fairly regularly, the cam sex just got worse and worse.
I got more womens clothes.. lots of them. Started looking really good and passable when dressed (i am a slim guy with a bubble butt). I started broadcast my cam on sites like adultfriendfinder and chaturbate. While most of the viewers are men, i spent hours once or twice a week fapping on cam, waiting for the elusive woman viewer that gave me a huge thrill. But the guys watching also gave me a big thrill. And i would bend over for them, etc. to get the compliments thrown at me. I even loved the nasty things they said they would do to me. I became submissive and wanted to be dominated by a woman. But being degraded as a slut by these men also got me very horny.
Fast forward a few years, the initial group of friends i made kinda disintegrated, some people got different jobs in different cities, some people got married and disappeared. And i found myself with very few friends and spending more and more time camming.
I now cam for multiple hours almost everyday. Many times i have left work early just to come home and cam because thats all i could think of all day at work. The thrill of having 100-200 people fapping to me is overwhelming for me. I have even posted pictures to gonewildcd and sissies many times and love getting upvotes and comments and nasty inbox messages. I have 1200 followers on chaturbate, and have been winning free two weeks of gold membership on adult friend finder for being one of the most popular members for about a year now. I broadcast on a few other sites too.
Watching sissy porn has made me really want to be a sissy slut. While i still think of myself as mostly straight and am not attracted to guys at all, when i get dressed as a slutty woman, i dream of cock. I want to be gang banged, ass fucked, suck cock, and drowned in cum. I don't think i'd actually like that in real life, but i love entertaining that fantasy.
I have even gotten a couple of guys to buy me panties and slutty outfits from amazon. Not because i can't afford it, but because its a thrill. I have thought about verifying my cam accounts so that viewers can tip me, for the thrill of being a true whore getting paid to strip, but luckily i have not done this or revealed my real identity.
For the longest time i have thought that part of the reason i chat with people on yahoo messenger or adult friend finder is to find someone i can actually play out some of my fantasies with. Find a woman to dress me up and use a stapon on me, or a couple to play with, and now i am at a point where i would like to be manhandled by a single guy (or two) too. So far whenever someone has suggested meeting, i have chickened out.
Luckily i have always kept my face hidden in all of this, and never revealed my real identity.
However now i find myself in a spot where i am thinking what have i done to my life? What have i programmed myself to like? What have i become?
Every time i finish a long camming and fapping session and finally ejaculate, (i can fap for 3-4 hours without cumming now) i am always filled with self hate. Because of the time i wasted, because of all the important tasks i neglected, and for what i was becoming. I have thrown out all my female clothes twice before, but ended up building my collection again. I have told myself i need stop a million times, but always go back to it.
I am not transsexual. This is just a fetish for me. But i am at a point where i am deep enough that i feel like i would like to try dressing up with a women, a couple and being with 1 or 2 guys at once, atleast once in my life. Just to see what it actually feels like. And hope that i don't like it and stop it once and for all. Kill this stupid fantasy.
Many times i have tried to stop but go back to it thinking i want to get this out of my system before getting into a relationship with a woman and settling down, because otherwise i never will be able to. I have even sometimes gotten worried about working out (not that i workout in general anyway), in case my body becomes too masculine before i am able to experiment with this and get it out of my system.
Sometimes i think it would be great to have a normal girlfriend/wife that is into my crossdressing and like being dominant sometimes. And i still think that would be great because this has become a part of my life now. But 99.9% of women want real men and i have read many stories of guys who have shared this side of them with their significant others only to end up ruining the relationship.
I am in too deep. I have a separate account on my laptop for my female doppelganger, my old iphone is set up with her accounts for gmail, reddit, yahoo, kik, snapchat, you name it. Just so i can chat with random horny strangers and send them sexy pics of me as a woman. I have hundreds of pictures, a handful of videos, and countless webcam sessions (luckily all without showing my face) out on the internet. Whenever i watch porn, hardcore porn, i imagine myself as the woman.
I have dreams of becoming a successful entrepreneur or a hotshot corporate executive. And i know i am capable of it. I am a smart guy (although these life choices will probably make one think otherwise). I graduated college with decent grades without any effort and have managed to sustain an average career with minimal effort. But i don't want average. I want great. I can be great. Or at the very least i want to know i tried. I want to know i gave something a hundred percent. Because i never have given anything even 50%.
But sometimes i get thoughts like how cool would my biography be if i achieved something great in my life but all the while i was moonlighting as a camslut. Obviously that is a stupid thought but these kind of thoughts are what i am dealing with.
I found nofap a couple of weeks ago and after mulling it over for a while decided i should do it. Two days later i was camming and fapping again.
I started nofap again on Monday (two days ago). I have not fapped yet, but i have still been messaging people on kik and whisper, sending them my pics and receiving compliments. This has obviously gotten me even more horny, and i have been leaking precum a lot (i think years of pretending to be a woman while fapping has changed my physiology too. i precum a lot and leak a lot, specially when i bend over on cam. yes, i get wet.)
So i find myself here. Reaching out to you fapstronauts for help. I want to be productive. I want make friends and date women. I want to make something out of my life.
I will nofap.
But.
I feel like i also want to go out dressed as a woman atleast once in my life, and i want a woman to dress me up and do my makeup and domme me and do me with a strapon atleast once in life, and i want to suck cock and get by fucked by a guy atleast once in my life.
I have even thought of getting a chastity device to help me with nofap. But. This is a huge fetish item in the sissy porn space. (a sissy has no use for her oversized clit and it should always be locked up. a sissy should only orgasm from her asspussy). So i am not sure if that will only get me deeper into this rabbit hole.
Maybe i need to post this on a LGBT help group as well. Or maybe i need some serious help and should go to a shrink.
Either ways. I had to vent this to someone because it has been eating me away. I am sorry if i offended anyone by anything i said. I will appreciate any advice i can get.
tl;dr I am 29, been fapping since 11-12. Been watching sissy hypno and femdom porn. Been chatting and having cyber sex for several years. Have been a sexy crossdresser cam slut that can pass for a woman for several years. Get a lot of compliments for posting pictures of myself (mostly from guys). Have over 1000 followers on porn cam sites. Have not revealed my face or real identity though. I don't want to be this. This is a very strong addiction. I want nofap super powers and be productive in my life. But i am also deep enough in this fantasy that i would like to try crossdressing and getting fucked like a woman atleast once in my life. But i am not a transsexual, and i am not otherwise attracted to men. This is only a fetish for me. I don't want this fetish to negatively affect my life. Help!
submitted by nofapnotrap to NoFap [link] [comments]


2013.12.31 22:35 strongerthanX I feel like I was as worse as anyone can get, but I'm free now.

I wrote this on the PornFree reddit, I really wanted to share here to because I realize so clearly that reading other people's experiences helped me come to where I am today, which is feeling strong at 10 days no porn, no fap. I feel good, and want someone on the fence to know that you can go from feeling hopeless to feeling great even after years of feeling shame and going to the bottom of your morale limits:
I have never told anyone the truth. I have never gone as far as telling a friend how I truly feel about my P and M habits. God forbid I reach out to my good friends beyond joking about being a porn addict. I used to think joking about it would make me feel okay with what I did, but by joking I was only trying to reach out; admitting to someone that I had a problem without getting vulnerable and true to myself. This is what I will do now. If you are having a tough 'moment' or are truly interested in my story, I'm just going to write as much as I can in this message. Maybe it will help my recovery, maybe it will make you feel okay with your past actions knowing that someone else went through an equally abhorrent path as you. So I'll start from the very beginning.
The very first time I remember seeing porn I must have been 9 years old. My classmates and I would go onto newgrounds.com where you could kill Osama Bin Laden, play violent flash based video games, and all the kind of stuff. There was an adult section which we soon found, where you could undress Britney Spears. "Amazing", I thought. So I went home, closed the door to our computer room and I slowly took her articles of clothing off as my heart pounded and I when I had everything off I felt so much excitement. I checked out other similar applets on the site and felt worried someone would find out. I was also shocked by some of the material.
Not long after, I logged into my young email address and saw an alluring spam email advertising girls with big breasts. Pretending to accidentally click on it, I waited for my dial-up internet to expose the images and quickly shut them down.
The taboo about looking at the images was too strong at the time, so the only time I would look at porn was when pop-ups would appear as I web browsing, sometimes intentionally going to sites I knew would have these pop-ups thus absolving myself of explicit intent to seek porn.
Then I started to M. By then I was 11 years old, and only even understood what it was after my teacher explained it during sex education. I didn't O the first few times, not realizing really what I was supposed to do. I thought you needed to use two hands, advertisements from certain lingerie stores were more than enough, and I usually went straight from start to 'finish' as soon as I could.
Of course, I then started getting more interested in female celebrities, and scoured the internet for the best fake and real pictures of specific celebrities where I would save them or print them off. I was obsessed some nights with finding more and better pictures. I wouldn't necessarily M, but as I was searching through all of this content and organizing it I would rub myself through my jeans. I began secluding myself for hours on end, sometimes proceeding with this reconnaissance while my family sat and watched TV in the same room. I was often so frustrated when my privacy was invaded and I had to shut the operation down for the night. By the time I was 12/13 I had figured out the password to the adult channels on my family's satellite dish (0,0,0,0) and I was blown away. Around the same time, I had been downloading clips and pictures from file sharing sites, getting especially excited by some clips I found of children who were my age at the time. I came across some child porn once, and even as an early teen I was repulsed and deleted it immediately but was kind of interested at the same time. I would sometimes hope to accidentally download more of it.
I had accumulated a ridiculous collection of porn, and bragged about it to my friends. I would often come home from school alone, and treat myself to the porn I had access to on TV, and after holding back, proceed to M.
Although I remember these formative years as the period where I was obsessed with particular women, and collecting, they were hardly the worse years. When I was 14 I remember formatting my hard drive for no reason other than it was unusable due to viruses. Not wanting to download everything all over again, I stopped collecting and began browsing sites with pictures.
The variety was great, there were different categories, and I especially liked the pretty athletic girls section. I felt suave for getting away from the shitty photoshopped pictures of celebrities and the short porn clips I was collecting before. Now I felt like a simple admirer of female beauty. I would just look at the pictures, and I would blue ball myself through my pants.
Then I started progressing back into porn, and all my habits before. I thought I hit rock bottom when I spent 6 hours one day edging and then O, only to do another 2 hours at the end of the night. I then swore off porn for good. This took me to 15-16 when I had developed pretty bad acne, and instead of going out to socialize I found myself back in the exact same habit of binging for ridiculous amounts of time.
This time, however, I was on a chat/social networking site where I had a few pictures (photo shopping away my acne) where in my intoxicated state of 'lust' I would just hope that someone would find me attractive. I remember this moment so vividly, a girl starting to chat with me, then beginning to say sexy things and how she wanted me to f*ck her. I felt so loved and aroused and this is when it all started to get way worse.
I would continue with all of my old habits, saving the odd photo but mostly browsing, while simultaneously seeking out girls in chatrooms where I could recreate that connection. I did this for hours several nights a week. If it wasn't for my obligation to some sports teams and involved parents, I now realize I would've gone absolutely crazy during this time.
I don't really remember when I first took a picture of my cock, or who I sent it to. I remember feeling deep regret after I O'd knowing that I could never take it back. I know it was to someone online and with the knowledge I have now it was most likely a dude instead of the girl I thought I was sending it.
By 17, I would be on my alias MSN account, adding every girl I could from chat sites. I soon had no shame, making my display picture my cock and just feeling amazing when people would commend me on how big I was. I felt so special and good, it just made me want to MO for ever. At this point, I would split my time between porn and just chatting with porn loading in the background. Sometimes I could barely walk because of the pain in my testicles or the burning feeling I would get. I was spending sometimes > 3 hours on the brink of O but holding it in. I never really understood the caveat about M that so many teachers had reinforced during sex ed: "Don't feel guilty. It's natural." I never felt shame before, but the way I was going, I started feeling really dumb immediately after releasing for the pictures I had sent, the things I had said, the time I had wasted. I had confessed twice to my parents about my habits before then, for minor things, but there was a point where I realized, "There's no going back now. You're all on your own. No one can ever know about what you're doing now. This is sick and twisted."
We finally got high speed internet and I got my own laptop so before I was 18 I was desperately searching for girls to cam with several nights a week. It was hopeless. So many dudes looking, so many dudes posing as girls, but I kept trying. I just couldn't wait for my 18th birthday because I wouldn't have to lie about my age on adult websites anymore and I could feel free.
So by 18, I joined adult friend finder, and performed on webcam (never showing my face, a rule I sometimes broke in private chats leading me to paranoia and regret for days after). The few times I got close to making arrangements to meet with women, I would O and breath a shocked sigh of relief as any urge to do so faded.
High speed was horrible for me, as I would just search video after video and stay online waiting for a girl to just gawk at my cam so I could feel like less of an 18 year old virgin loser.
I went to my first party at the end of high school, drank a few times, felt really good when I was drunk and was very social. I almost hooked up with some girls at parties but my lack of experience made me too nervous. I was like an equally skinny, but slightly more athletic, slightly less loveable version of any Michael Cera character at parties.
I wanted to do college right. I saw it as a new chapter. So I went cold-turkey. To be honest, I just wanted to have a big 'release' when I had my first sexual experience. But after the big parties of first week in college faded, I was still a virgin. Porn free for over 3 months at this time, I was very happy, although seeing videos of myself from then, still very immature. I was a bit socially awkward, and would get wasted to amuse people; thus bypassing the need to have real conversation with the crutch of "I'm so wasted, want to f*ck?" as the general framework of my pickup attempts.
I was simply afraid to be intimate with a girl, just wanting to get #1 done and over with. Having barely partied in high school, I was still learning how to be socially 'normal'. I gave up and just went back to my PMO habit and was overjoyed with my private locked room and internet access. At this time it didn't really interfere with my studies, as school wasn't too demanding in first year college. I binged, but there was still enough accountability in a dorm that I didn't go over the top.
Nothing really changed when I was 19. Sometimes I would quit for a week, and then say, "Ok, once a week, perfectly healthy" only to progress to daily or more PMO and cam chat perusing.
Just after my 20th birthday, I got hammered, went out, and got laid. I didn't feel exactly like I had achieved something. I didn't even get the girls name. But feeling like I should've, I convinced myself I was now fixed. That didn't last long. I only felt my online ego grow as I now felt like I had more to show, and now porn went from something where I could view as a distant medium to something I was viewing to hope to learn (what a fallacy I had created).
I stopped caring so much about my disgusting online identity, and I developed some very strong coping strategies, basically just numbing myself about the whole thing. I felt my whole personality numb as well. I felt extreme cynicism, depression, hopelessness for any possible love life to find me. I had sex with a beautiful girl when I was 21, and just felt numb about it. I realized then, "I'm actually hopeless. I broke myself and I'll never be fixed".
I studied psychology and understand what P and compulsive M can do to the brain, but to this day I feel horrible about all of the developmental (social and physical) stages I altered with my extreme habits.
In my final year of college I unravelled. I would spend hours in the morning on my phone on dating apps, trying to connect with girls. Living alone, some days would be COMPLETELY spent doing this. I wrote myself notes afterwards, for me to read next time I was to do it.
I bargained with myself: just get in get out, no more binges. No more chat. For fucks sake: stop sending out dick pics!!
I listened, but then I didn't listen. By now I was posting craigslists ads hoping to get women to message me. I posted pics of myself to NN. I had gone from being obsessed with porn, to BEING porn. It is such a heavy part of me that I keep so hidden but I know somehow it eats away at me.
By now, I'm writing in the present, the narrative dissolves. I am me. I ramble, I know. But it's just so hard to know all of the strong habits I have formed that will be with me forever, dormant or not.
I became so predictable: Create a few dating profiles when I was horny, message every decent girl on the site, try to avoid sending dick pics if I had already sent a face pic. Add thousands of Skype contacts. I had successfully stopped such behaviours for short periods, my recent summer employment restricted me to having internet access on the weekends. I saw this as a perfect scenario to give myself a full summer free of porn. Slowly however, I just started looking forward to porn weekends more. After hitting rock bottom as far as time, content-type, and invasiveness of porn recently, I found the resources alluded to by many on this site, mostly user accounts, and for whatever reason I quit.
Funny enough, I actually started my PornFree stint by not wanting to feel numb, or my post-PMO pissed off short tempered self, for a few nights of X-mas movies. This was enough to get me through a few hard days, and then I really went beyond that and put everything in perspective and decided enough was enough. No compromises, no systems, no empty promises: I'm done.
If you are still reading, you will be happy to know:
I will never look at porn again. I am 10 days completely PornFree now, and although I'm not a new man by any means, I feel free.
This time, it feels real.
This time, I know I will succeed. I have read feedtherightwolf before, but for some reason, something really resonated when I started reading user stories on here from yourbrainonporn.
The biggest trap I would ALWAYS fall into was rationalizing ways to get back in. I would literally try and find scientific studies saying M was healthy for you. I would think, porn in moderation is not a problem, just stay off the chats... for god's sake please don't go through that dick pic / craigslist / manwhore phase though. But I most definitely would.
I know I have more to say, or more anecdotes that I've successfully repressed. I apologize if some of what I said was a sort of trigger (I'll admit, writing of my earlier experiences gave me some urges). However, if you are at all on the fence about this whole thing, believe me, you can do it.
There is no reason to watch porn.
I am a smart guy. I studied psychology, despite the tone of my article I am a funny guy and I can be the life of the party. I go through highs and lows, but if you let porn into your life, it will take you. It will take you and hurt you.
Porn is not cool. I laughed at my friend when he said he was quitting porn a year ago, it's like he was offending me. I used to scoff at 'porn addicts'; "that's stupid, just don't watch porn so much".
I'm really rambling at this point, but I really just want to say: •Yes this is hard, but I feel the strong urges that come over me to be less of a fingerprint from lingering porn urges. It is activity in the brain that is not being reinforced, that will eventually be reallocated to more productive things. This energy will soon be what makes you love again. If you feel the urge when walking by your computer, embrace it as a sign of better things to come (no pun intended) and just brush it off: You don't need to cave. •Porn will most certainly lead to more destructive things. It has definitely put me in the mindset to develop patterns online (sending nude photos, rude messages, craigslist ads) which I would have never had the volition to do otherwise. •You are not broken. I felt this so many times over the last couple of years. But then I would feel very passionate and tender with a girl I met. Other times I would oscillate towards complete indifference with a girl who was showing interest. What I have concluded is that porn just destabilizes you, it confuses you about what you are pursuing and certainly interferes with your brain's natural behavior.
I want to thank everyone on this site and in similar communities for allowing me a place to do this. I will certainly check in and boast about my improvements over time because those posts have been incredibly helpful to me to getting to this point where I am absolutely free of porn. The url in my browser is so close right now, I could type anything in there. But fuck that. Fuck porn.
EDIT: I want anyone reading this to know what I've done and will add dumb shit as I think of it for a bit. I know a big part in my real decision to go PornFree was being able to see others that had done similar things as I had, were able to move on. •22 yrs old: A woman on Skype asking if I had a string. I literally cut one out of a winter boot and ran back to my cam. She instructed me to tie it around my junk. It hurt but felt tingly. Not only did I feel horrible after that emotionally, but I had rope burn on my penis. •17 yrs old: I was bored with normal fapping, so I literally googled "advanced masturbation techniques". This got me into playing with my fingers and prostate. I could barely look at people in the eyes the next day at school. Luckily it didn't become a regular thing, but up until recently I would hint to people online that I would do it on cam if they wanted. •teens - 22: Going to porn search engines and searching specific, harmful things even though I would never want to see a girl being hurt when I'm clear minded, it was something new. That means beastiality, rape porn, sleep. It's so twisted and sad that these things exist. •21: I reached out about my PMO behaviour on craigslist (wish I had known this reddit existed before). I got some nice responses of people saying I'll get through it. It's actually how I was referred to feedtherightwolf. I also got guys saying embrace it, be proud of it. Then a woman responded to me and I kid not, I replied with a dick pic and asked if she would like to help me do it for real.
PS: I want to also add (since reading similar things reassured me)
I began to be interested in heterosexual porn with many men and one girl (in addition to the inverse and everything in between). I also got many messages and propositions from men on sex sites / craigslist.
I got so desperate for reassurance and positive feedback on my athletic muscular body, that I wouldn't necessarily ignore these messages. I began to worry that maybe I was gay. The fact that I was beginning to see less intense emotions for girls beyond objects made me worry further. I even started to admire male celebrities and good looking guys, even though I was thinking "I wish I were that guy, he's probably banging so many hot girls" I still felt nervous that I was actually focusing on these types of things.
Of course, there is nothing wrong with being gay, but when you aren't and you know you aren't and then you think you are, it's hard to deal with.
Even after 10 days free, I'm happy to say I'm just taking in the sights, smells, and sounds of girls I interact with. I can't wait to continue and see my pure thoughts continue to return to me.
P.P.S: One more thing:
There is no bigger shame than not wanting your mom to hug or touch you, or shake someone's hand or come to the dinner table or go for a walk because you are planning on, in the middle of, our just finished a PMO binge. This is probably the most destructive part of it, and a sign I was aware of but ignored as applying to me when I began considering my behavior a problem.
submitted by strongerthanX to NoFap [link] [comments]


2013.12.30 21:27 strongerthanX I feel like I was as worse as anyone can get, but I'm free now.

I have never told anyone the truth. I have never gone as far as telling a friend how I truly feel about my P and M habits. God forbid I reach out to my good friends beyond joking about being a porn addict. I used to think joking about it would make me feel okay with what I did, but by joking I was only trying to reach out; admitting to someone that I had a problem without getting vulnerable and true to myself. This is what I will do now. If you are having a tough 'moment' or are truly interested in my story, I'm just going to write as much as I can in this message. Maybe it will help my recovery, maybe it will make you feel okay with your past actions knowing that someone else went through an equally abhorrent path as you. So I'll start from the very beginning.
The very first time I remember seeing porn I must have been 9 years old. My classmates and I would go onto newgrounds.com where you could kill Osama Bin Laden, play violent flash based video games, and all the kind of stuff. There was an adult section which we soon found, where you could undress Britney Spears. "Amazing", I thought. So I went home, closed the door to our computer room and I slowly took her articles of clothing off as my heart pounded and I when I had everything off I felt so much excitement. I checked out other similar applets on the site and felt worried someone would find out. I was also shocked by some of the material.
Not long after, I logged into my young email address and saw an alluring spam email advertising girls with big breasts. Pretending to accidentally click on it, I waited for my dial-up internet to expose the images and quickly shut them down.
The taboo about looking at the images was too strong at the time, so the only time I would look at porn was when pop-ups would appear as I web browsing, sometimes intentionally going to sites I knew would have these pop-ups thus absolving myself of explicit intent to seek porn.
Then I started to M. By then I was 11 years old, and only even understood what it was after my teacher explained it during sex education. I didn't O the first few times, not realizing really what I was supposed to do. I thought you needed to use two hands, advertisements from certain lingerie stores were more than enough, and I usually went straight from start to 'finish' as soon as I could.
Of course, I then started getting more interested in female celebrities, and scoured the internet for the best fake and real pictures of specific celebrities where I would save them or print them off. I was obsessed some nights with finding more and better pictures. I wouldn't necessarily M, but as I was searching through all of this content and organizing it I would rub myself through my jeans. I began secluding myself for hours on end, sometimes proceeding with this reconnaissance while my family sat and watched TV in the same room. I was often so frustrated when my privacy was invaded and I had to shut the operation down for the night. By the time I was 12/13 I had figured out the password to the adult channels on my family's satellite dish (0,0,0,0) and I was blown away. Around the same time, I had been downloading clips and pictures from file sharing sites, getting especially excited by some clips I found of children who were my age at the time. I came across some child porn once, and even as an early teen I was repulsed and deleted it immediately but was kind of interested at the same time. I would sometimes hope to accidentally download more of it.
I had accumulated a ridiculous collection of porn, and bragged about it to my friends. I would often come home from school alone, and treat myself to the porn I had access to on TV, and after holding back, proceed to M.
Although I remember these formative years as the period where I was obsessed with particular women, and collecting, they were hardly the worse years. When I was 14 I remember formatting my hard drive for no reason other than it was unusable due to viruses. Not wanting to download everything all over again, I stopped collecting and began browsing sites with pictures.
The variety was great, there were different categories, and I especially liked the pretty athletic girls section. I felt suave for getting away from the shitty photoshopped pictures of celebrities and the short porn clips I was collecting before. Now I felt like a simple admirer of female beauty. I would just look at the pictures, and I would blue ball myself through my pants.
Then I started progressing back into porn, and all my habits before. I thought I hit rock bottom when I spent 6 hours one day edging and then O, only to do another 2 hours at the end of the night. I then swore off porn for good. This took me to 15-16 when I had developed pretty bad acne, and instead of going out to socialize I found myself back in the exact same habit of binging for ridiculous amounts of time.
This time, however, I was on a chat/social networking site where I had a few pictures (photo shopping away my acne) where in my intoxicated state of 'lust' I would just hope that someone would find me attractive. I remember this moment so vividly, a girl starting to chat with me, then beginning to say sexy things and how she wanted me to f*ck her. I felt so loved and aroused and this is when it all started to get way worse.
I would continue with all of my old habits, saving the odd photo but mostly browsing, while simultaneously seeking out girls in chatrooms where I could recreate that connection. I did this for hours several nights a week. If it wasn't for my obligation to some sports teams and involved parents, I now realize I would've gone absolutely crazy during this time.
I don't really remember when I first took a picture of my cock, or who I sent it to. I remember feeling deep regret after I O'd knowing that I could never take it back. I know it was to someone online and with the knowledge I have now it was most likely a dude instead of the girl I thought I was sending it.
By 17, I would be on my alias MSN account, adding every girl I could from chat sites. I soon had no shame, making my display picture my cock and just feeling amazing when people would commend me on how big I was. I felt so special and good, it just made me want to MO for ever. At this point, I would split my time between porn and just chatting with porn loading in the background. Sometimes I could barely walk because of the pain in my testicles or the burning feeling I would get. I was spending sometimes > 3 hours on the brink of O but holding it in. I never really understood the caveat about M that so many teachers had reinforced during sex ed: "Don't feel guilty. It's natural." I never felt shame before, but the way I was going, I started feeling really dumb immediately after releasing for the pictures I had sent, the things I had said, the time I had wasted. I had confessed twice to my parents about my habits before then, for minor things, but there was a point where I realized, "There's no going back now. You're all on your own. No one can ever know about what you're doing now. This is sick and twisted."
We finally got high speed internet and I got my own laptop so before I was 18 I was desperately searching for girls to cam with several nights a week. It was hopeless. So many dudes looking, so many dudes posing as girls, but I kept trying. I just couldn't wait for my 18th birthday because I wouldn't have to lie about my age on adult websites anymore and I could feel free.
So by 18, I joined adult friend finder, and performed on webcam (never showing my face, a rule I sometimes broke in private chats leading me to paranoia and regret for days after). The few times I got close to making arrangements to meet with women, I would O and breath a shocked sigh of relief as any urge to do so faded.
High speed was horrible for me, as I would just search video after video and stay online waiting for a girl to just gawk at my cam so I could feel like less of an 18 year old virgin loser.
I went to my first party at the end of high school, drank a few times, felt really good when I was drunk and was very social. I almost hooked up with some girls at parties but my lack of experience made me too nervous. I was like an equally skinny, but slightly more athletic, slightly less loveable version of any Michael Cera character at parties.
I wanted to do college right. I saw it as a new chapter. So I went cold-turkey. To be honest, I just wanted to have a big 'release' when I had my first sexual experience. But after the big parties of first week in college faded, I was still a virgin. Porn free for over 3 months at this time, I was very happy, although seeing videos of myself from then, still very immature. I was a bit socially awkward, and would get wasted to amuse people; thus bypassing the need to have real conversation with the crutch of "I'm so wasted, want to f*ck?" as the general framework of my pickup attempts.
I was simply afraid to be intimate with a girl, just wanting to get #1 done and over with. Having barely partied in high school, I was still learning how to be socially 'normal'. I gave up and just went back to my PMO habit and was overjoyed with my private locked room and internet access. At this time it didn't really interfere with my studies, as school wasn't too demanding in first year college. I binged, but there was still enough accountability in a dorm that I didn't go over the top.
Nothing really changed when I was 19. Sometimes I would quit for a week, and then say, "Ok, once a week, perfectly healthy" only to progress to daily or more PMO and cam chat perusing.
Just after my 20th birthday, I got hammered, went out, and got laid. I didn't feel exactly like I had achieved something. I didn't even get the girls name. But feeling like I should've, I convinced myself I was now fixed. That didn't last long. I only felt my online ego grow as I now felt like I had more to show, and now porn went from something where I could view as a distant medium to something I was viewing to hope to learn (what a fallacy I had created).
I stopped caring so much about my disgusting online identity, and I developed some very strong coping strategies, basically just numbing myself about the whole thing. I felt my whole personality numb as well. I felt extreme cynicism, depression, hopelessness for any possible love life to find me. I had sex with a beautiful girl when I was 21, and just felt numb about it. I realized then, "I'm actually hopeless. I broke myself and I'll never be fixed".
I studied psychology and understand what P and compulsive M can do to the brain, but to this day I feel horrible about all of the developmental (social and physical) stages I altered with my extreme habits.
In my final year of college I unravelled. I would spend hours in the morning on my phone on dating apps, trying to connect with girls. Living alone, some days would be COMPLETELY spent doing this. I wrote myself notes afterwards, for me to read next time I was to do it.
I bargained with myself: just get in get out, no more binges. No more chat. For fucks sake: stop sending out dick pics!!
I listened, but then I didn't listen. By now I was posting craigslists ads hoping to get women to message me. I posted pics of myself to NN. I had gone from being obsessed with porn, to BEING porn. It is such a heavy part of me that I keep so hidden but I know somehow it eats away at me.
By now, I'm writing in the present, the narrative dissolves. I am me. I ramble, I know. But it's just so hard to know all of the strong habits I have formed that will be with me forever, dormant or not.
I became so predictable: Create a few dating profiles when I was horny, message every decent girl on the site, try to avoid sending dick pics if I had already sent a face pic. Add thousands of Skype contacts. I had successfully stopped such behaviours for short periods, my recent summer employment restricted me to having internet access on the weekends. I saw this as a perfect scenario to give myself a full summer free of porn. Slowly however, I just started looking forward to porn weekends more. After hitting rock bottom as far as time, content-type, and invasiveness of porn recently, I found the resources alluded to by many on this site, mostly user accounts, and for whatever reason I quit.
Funny enough, I actually started my PornFree stint by not wanting to feel numb, or my post-PMO pissed off short tempered self, for a few nights of X-mas movies. This was enough to get me through a few hard days, and then I really went beyond that and put everything in perspective and decided enough was enough. No compromises, no systems, no empty promises: I'm done.
If you are still reading, you will be happy to know:
I will never look at porn again. I am 10 days completely PornFree now, and although I'm not a new man by any means, I feel free.
This time, it feels real.
This time, I know I will succeed. I have read feedtherightwolf before, but for some reason, something really resonated when I started reading user stories on here from yourbrainonporn.
The biggest trap I would ALWAYS fall into was rationalizing ways to get back in. I would literally try and find scientific studies saying M was healthy for you. I would think, porn in moderation is not a problem, just stay off the chats... for god's sake please don't go through that dick pic / craigslist / manwhore phase though. But I most definitely would.
I know I have more to say, or more anecdotes that I've successfully repressed. I apologize if some of what I said was a sort of trigger (I'll admit, writing of my earlier experiences gave me some urges). However, if you are at all on the fence about this whole thing, believe me, you can do it.
There is no reason to watch porn.
I am a smart guy. I studied psychology, despite the tone of my article I am a funny guy and I can be the life of the party. I go through highs and lows, but if you let porn into your life, it will take you. It will take you and hurt you.
Porn is not cool. I laughed at my friend when he said he was quitting porn a year ago, it's like he was offending me. I used to scoff at 'porn addicts'; "that's stupid, just don't watch porn so much".
I'm really rambling at this point, but I really just want to say:
I want to thank everyone on this site and in similar communities for allowing me a place to do this. I will certainly check in and boast about my improvements over time because those posts have been incredibly helpful to me to getting to this point where I am absolutely free of porn. The url in my browser is so close right now, I could type anything in there. But fuck that. Fuck porn.
EDIT: I want anyone reading this to know what I've done and will add dumb shit as I think of it for a bit. I know a big part in my real decision to go PornFree was being able to see others that had done similar things as I had, were able to move on.
submitted by strongerthanX to pornfree [link] [comments]


2012.04.27 20:40 redst1234 I'll be blunt- what's the best way to find hook-ups online?

Sitting here watching Red State and it makes me miss the days of AOL chat rooms, when it was easy. I tried Adult Friend Finder after reading an article about sites like that in my sister's Cosmo. That just lead to spam and webcam sessions. I imagine articles like that are half bs and paid for by the companies that run the sites. I hear craigslist is a bunch of scams and prostitution or stings. Any have feedback/experiences?
submitted by redst1234 to AskReddit [link] [comments]


2009.09.19 05:24 l2c Anyone know any good free webcam matchmaking sites?

Hey reddit, Anyone happen to know of any webcam matching sites aside from AdultFriendFinder? If you've ever done it, it can be fun when you're bored and you can handle some weirdness.
submitted by l2c to AskReddit [link] [comments]